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COMMENTARY - by Ludwig van Beerthoven
August 14, 2009, 12:17 PM posted by Maria Choban What do Jenna Jameson and Charles Barkley have in common (aside from Charles' traffic ticket because he was in a hurry to get a blow job (frankly the police should have let him go simply for giving a completely honest answer as to why he was speeding but never mind that))? Combined, we can refer to them as the "Round Mounds of Rebounds". Aside from that, both of them spent time performing in the entertainment industry. It's not sports, its sports entertainment. That Vince McMahon dude from WWE got it right. Now what do Charles, Jenna and (and if you have a different conductor that you particularly dislike feel free to substitute your personal choice here) Herbert von Karajan have in common? Absolutely nothing, Herbie the K never did learn that he was in the entertainment industry. Lets try a different comparison. What do gold, silver, and copper have in common with Herbie? Again, absolutely nothing; gold, silver and copper are excellent conductors. Before anyone tries to point out that Jenna's silicone monuments qualify her as a semiconductor (and that is more credit than I will assign to Herbie), it is silicon that is the semiconductor not silicone. I didn't intend this to become a lesson in metallurgy (that is a pretty big word for such a small beer, I had better correct that) so it's time to move on. The frequency that I find things noteworthy (good or bad) is not particularly high. The last piece of "classical" music that I heard for the first time that I even remember was by Carl Nielson, and that was at least 15 years ago (remembering it means that it didn't make me want to throw up or that I did throw up after hearing it). I don't count soundtracks for movies, if I did, the Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Aliens series would count for much. I am sure that this is going somewhere even if none of us has figured out when or where. Somewhere along the line, I have referred to some pompous fuck waving a stick. I am sure that if I try hard enough, I can find something good to say about the pompous fucks. Well, this took a lot of effort (and beer) but the really good thing about pompous fucks is that if I wait long enough, they die! Rest in peace Herbie, I can't honestly say that I miss you or any of the others. Most of us have seen or heard groups of different size perform. It might be 3 - 5 people, it might 15, it might be 50 or 100 or 435 or 1000. Have you ever noticed that as a group gets larger, inevitably it winds up with some pompous fuck waving a stick? I rarely see rock bands with 3-8 members or string trios/quartets/quintets with a conductor. On the other side, I see some very dysfunctional groups of varying size like the State Legislature, Symphony Orchestras, the US House of Representatives, and the US Senate. These groups all have something in common. Care to guess what it is? That's right, it is some pompous fuck waving a stick. Next time we search for the elusive non-pompous stick waving fuck, but until then, I am out of beer. Ludwig (much as I would LOVE to take credit for this article, I cannot write even half this well. Honest - this isn't me - MC) Posted By kiss it! on August 14, 2009, 04:11 PM Ludwig, LOVING IT! To me, if a conductor truly works with the orchestra members to bring excitement, great music and something memorable to the listener--I'll be there. But, as you point out, most of the conductors are so removed from this aspect of classical music that it is maddening, irritating and NOT fun to listen to either! I also dislike a conductor such as my example who believes he/she is a performer--what is that about??!! What are they "performing"? Posted By Mary on August 14, 2009, 04:17 PM Ah Maria, but you agree with it, you rabble-rouser (and soloist) you! Posted By Robert Langslet on August 14, 2009, 07:53 PM I bet you like Tom Robbins. You've got that same revolutionary thing going. Fearless writing. Posted By Ludwig van Beerthoven on August 26, 2009, 04:44 PM Kiss It, I have no idea what they are performing. I do not believe that the musicians are so talentless that they require having a stick waved in front of them to be able to perform. I for one would like to hear a piece, and preferably one that I am familiar with performed without the pompous stick waving fuck in front. Maybe it would suck, and maybe it would put some new life into music that is old and stale. Of course I also think that baseball managers don't know anything about baseball, but they are extremely good (at least the good ones) at managing a bunch of inflated egos. I don't recall accusing classical musicians of having inflated egos, simply because I have never met one whose is as big as mine. Ludwig Posted By Ludwig van Beerthoven on August 29, 2009, 07:41 PM It is pretty damn difficult to offend me. If that is news to you, you probably have not read anything I have written that has been posted on this site. What the fuck is up with Maria writing a disclaimer that she didn’t write my last comment? They (and I have no idea who the fuck they are/is) say that necessity is the mother of invention). I say that they can go fuck themselves. Apparently, “they” seem to think that Maria and I are the same person. I can actually understand how someone could reach that conclusion. We could pass ourselves off as identical twins except for a couple of minor details. She is older than I am which is why I am heavier and taller. That doesn’t make much sense. Both of us use the phrase “fuck you” liberally. Personally I prefer “go fuck yourself” (I am lazy and don’t want to put forth any effort if someone were to accept the former). Aside from that, I have an American accent that would make Arnold Schwarzenegger jealous, a beard that would make Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill jealous, a testosterone level that would make steroid using baseball players jealous (not to mention getting me kicked out of the game) and an attitude that would make anyone jealous. All that, and I have never correctly been accused of not having balls. Okay, I guess that none of that really distinguishes me from Maria. If you are still not convinced maybe this one will: we have been seen in public together at the same time and at the same place. Hell, if you are paying for the beer (and I don’t drink Bud), both Maria and myself might be willing to be seen in public with you (I would get kicked out of the writers guild for turning down a beer if someone else is buying and Bud doesn’t count as beer). Ludwig Posted By Maria on September 02, 2009, 04:20 PM okay OKAY! We ARE the same person. You have me convinced Ludwig. (just kidding) Posted By tech support on September 15, 2009, 06:41 PM lol @ Maria and Ludwig. :( @ no Storm Session yet. Posted By Ludwig van Beerthoven on September 23, 2009, 09:42 PM Tech Support, I don't give a fuck if you laugh at me or with me as long as you laugh. Nobody has ever (correctly) accused me of taking myself too seriously. I am starting to wonder why I am not conducting a major symphony orchestra... Posted By tech support on September 29, 2009, 09:31 AM Maria, would you please do your best to speed things up with Storm Session? My ears are getting tired of waiting. Posted By Maria on October 16, 2009, 11:14 PM Tech Support: I'll do my best to speed things up. Ludwig: you're not conducting a major symphony orchestra because you do not take yourself too seriously. Fatal flaw, maestro. Posted By Ludwig van Beerthoven on October 17, 2009, 09:17 PM Damn, and I was pretty sure that I am not conducting a major symphony because I don't live in a major city. At least it is not because I am not enough of a pompous fuck. Posted By th\' Cap\'n on November 08, 2009, 03:52 PM When is the next blog entry coming? I can re-read these old entries only so many times! Posted By Ludwig van Beerthoven on November 11, 2009, 09:50 AM Cap'n, you could speed up the process by springing for some more beer. Ludwig |
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