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MORE STICK WAVING - by Ludwig van Beerthoven
November 18, 2009, 09:24 AM posted by Maria Choban Now that autumn is in full swing this brings me to college football. On the surface, college football does not appear to have much to do with music, classical or otherwise. Perhaps I am dating myself a bit, but there was a time when at halftime, the marching bands were shown on TV. Today was not one of those days however. For those of you keeping track, the USC band played "Victory" 18 times and "Conquest" 22 times. Not that I know the difference between the two (in that respect they remind me of Mozart's first 13 symphonies except Conquest and Victory are both far more memorable). These days there still is one game where the marching bands get some airtime and that is the Bayou Classic (someone went to the NASCAR and WWE schools of Marketing) between Southern University and Grambling State University to be held on November 28th. A marching band is slightly different from a symphony orchestra. On one hand, the musicians get off their ass while they are playing (unlike a symphony orchestra). They are also spread out over 50 or 60 yards where a symphony may be spread out over 60 feet. There are other things that can be compared between the two and unfortunately one of those is that a marching band again has some pompous fuck waving a stick in front of it. Sometimes it is a couple of pompous fucks waving sticks. Being someone who has actually watched the people playing the instruments instead of the pompous stick-waving fuck, I have a couple of observations. Some of these people have a card dimension of QxQ in front of them. At an angle Z that represents their displacement in meters T, the pompous stick-waving fuck is completely invisible behind the card, but these people can still play something that is recognizable (even to uneducated barbarians such as myself). Never mind that I left out that sound travels at a specific speed if temperature and pressure are constant. Never mind that the Superdome is an acoustic nightmare. Just ignore that hurricane blowing in, it will not make any difference. If you do not believe me, take a physics class. Fuck, take 2 or 3 physics classes, we are all idiots here (Ok, I'm not an idiot, I just play one on the internet and sometimes I do a better job than other times). Next time you go to the Symphony, or the Ballet, or the Metallica concert, or the Opera, or whatever the fuck I left out, remember that that pompous stick waving fuck really does not have a functional use. My dislike of pompous fucks waving a stick is pretty well documented. Some of you would consider me a pompous fuck, and you would be right. I however manage to be one without waving a stick in front of a bunch of people. Posted By Tina on November 18, 2009, 12:58 PM Maria, speaking as someone who did once march in a band (high school, and it was a ton of fun), when you need the said stick-waving fuck is on the practice field. It's the band director with a megaphone, saying "Trumpets! You're crooked! No! Over there! Hey flutes! What are you doing?" until everyone gets it right. By the time you get to a performance though, the drum section (the one with actual drums, not the stick-waving drum major) is in charge, and the band is listening for the drum counts to do various things. Because you're on a flat surface. You can't SEE the drum major. Especially if you're short (like me) in the middle of the band. The pompous stick-waving drum major is just a kid in a uniform. With a stick. Posted By th\' Cap\'n on November 18, 2009, 04:22 PM I used to be a pompous, stick-waving fuck, so watch it, buddy. And, is it really necessary to cuss so much? In this format, one or two "fucks" gets the point across just fine. Any more after that it's self-gratuitous and, if you will, pompous. Now, tell us something you DO like. I like kittens and riding motorcycles. There. Your turn. Posted By Maria on November 18, 2009, 10:49 PM and again.......I am NOT Beerthoven. Wish I COULD write that well. Love that it riled you, though. Great comments. I like Sam Kinison and Contra-Dancing. Posted By Guest on November 19, 2009, 09:53 AM Something I do like? Beer, Beethoven, Bettie Page, and Monty Python. As to your first point, I write the way I speak. The more thing things piss me off, the more liberal my use of the finer parts of the English language and the louder my voice gets. If we were having the the previous conversation in person, I would probably be screaming by the time I got to the end. Neither of which is good for my hypertension. Nice comments, thanks. Ludwig Posted By David Maclaine on November 22, 2009, 01:30 PM After a while, the intemperance of the assault on "assholes waving sticks" makes the reader begin to suspect that the author has a stick painfully lodged in his own asshole. The humble orifice in question has always seemed unfairly used in these comparisons to humans who are self-centered and overbearing, but the metaphorical assholes in question have some important things in common with their literal counterparts. Both have evolved for a reason, both serve a useful function, and can even, under the right circumstances, provide pleasure. It's worth remembering that the author's namesake, dear deaf Ludwig, was himself a stick-waver from time to time, including an occasion of some poignance. Those who deny the usefulness of assholes run the risk of being viewed as totally full of shit. Posted By Maria on November 23, 2009, 06:34 PM Oh man, the comments on this blog make me proud to be an American. Honestly, I was beginning to wonder if there was any intelligent, witty and raucous backbone left in high culture. For the record, I did receive this reply to Beerthoven's rant part 2 in the Alitisa e-mailbox: "Speaking as a professional "stick-waving fuck", I loved it!!!!" Maria |
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